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WE'VE ALL HAD THEM

Discussion in 'Chewing the fat' started by Old fisho, Nov 5, 2017.

  1. Old fisho

    Old fisho Well-Known Member

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    Days we should have stayed in bed that is: I've had many.
    One classic was soon after my ticker decided to stop ticking for a while. It took some doing but finally got permission from SWMBO to take the boat out.
    Got everything organised; backed down the ramp, bumped the boat off as had done hundreds of times, and it proceeded to slowly drift from shore. Never done before, I had tied the running end of the mooring line to the boat; not the trailer. Now the old girl, on dead calm water was ten metres away, while I stood helplessly on shore. Deciding that if I was quick, I could still reach it before the depth beat me. I ran into the water--
    Beside the ramp is a metre wide hole in the sand. It's been there for years. On this wonderful blonde morning I forgot; stepped in it, and went base over apex beside the ramp, doing a close up visual check of the said hole in the sand.
    There was a huge bang!!! My automatic inflatable vest went off and I returned to the surface even faster than I went under, something not considered possible. Then wading more slowly I grabbed the trailing line to the boat.
    I was somewhat wet. Thankfully the water was warm. What to do now? Didn't want to get into the Jeep in that condition so decided to ring Boss to bring me some dry gear.
    OH S**T!!! I had her good mobile phone in my pocket. I dialled home, only a couple of minutes away, but could not be understood as she said it was like hearing me talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles. She had no idea how close to true that was. Next try was the caravan park office phone but I never made it. Boss's car, seeming in almost as much panic as she was, came roaring in the gateway as I sloshed my way across the park.
    There was a small tarp in her car boot. It was spread over the seat and she drove me home to change.
    But it all turned out OK; I got some fish on the second attempt, and after being told to remove the sim card and battery, to swish everything in warm soapy water, leave it to self dry over a few days; the phone totally recovered. But I got the rounds of the kitchen for a while, in between my bursts of laughter at my own self induced discomfort, which she never understood. But we all have days like that. Let's hear of some of yours. Noel.
     
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  2. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    I've had a few of those days, Noel. Some were bearable and then you get one when you feel like screaming 'WHY ME!!!"

    One that stands out with me had nothing to do with fishing, but I just couldn't believe my run of bad luck on that day. Back in 2001, we were living in Darwin and both working for the same tour company, my wife as a tour guide and me doing all the mechanical maintenance. We hatched a plan to start our own tour business running tag-along trips to various locations, nothing too remote or hard out of the way places, but mainly aimed at international tourists (particularly Germans) in rental vehicles. We threw ourselves into the preparation with much enthusiasm, registering our business name as Oztrek Safaris (the Krauts just love the word 'safari') and even commissioned Sir Les Patterson to help promote it.

    02) Les Patterson.jpg

    To cut a long story short, we set off on a shakedown run from Darwin to Alice Springs, east across the Plenty Highway to western Qld, then up to Cairns and make our way back to Darwin via the Gulf track. All went well until part way along the Plenty, the road had not long been graded and in places we could manage speeds up in the mid to high 80's which was good for what I had believed to be nothing more than a goat track. We were towing a 6x4 trailer as a gear carrier and in hindsight, it looked good, but it was a piece of crap - serve me right in thinking that a $100 bargain would go the distance with no trouble.

    On one bit of road that was as smooth as a freeway, I planted the foot and to my horror, we disappeared into a very deep washout that the grader had filled with bulldust, the troopy came out the other side okay, but the trailer got airborne and when it hit the hard road the left spring busted out of the slipper bracket - bugger! A stinking hot day in the low 40's, a gazillion flies, a not very happy wife who had been nagging at me all morning to slow down and to make things worse, the dog had chundered in the back of the vehicle. Hmmm, okay, don't panic, sit in the shade, have a beer and nut out the best line of attack to get rolling again. An old truck tyre between the axle and the trailer floor, a bit of chain, an old tent peg and a bloody big shackle accompanied by quite a few obscenities and we were ready to rock and roll.

    Just before getting mobile, I waited for another vehicle to go through which turned out to be a Telstra vehicle travelling at about warp speed 9 and as he went past, a rock the size of half a house brick impacted with the trailer and bounced straight through the left hand rear barn door window - arrrggghhh!!! To say that I was peeved and disgruntled would be putting it very mildly. Another temporary repair job, this time with a beer carton and a roll of 100 kph tape (gaffa tape). After all this, the couple of beers that I had consumed (purely for life preservation reasons) had taken effect on the bladder, so being in a rather foul mood I decided to express my displeasure by peeing on a bull ants nest. Yep, you guessed it, the meanest, biggest ant in the nest took offence and latched on to my left foot little toe. For those who have never seen a Territory bull ant, they are scary things - also known as inch ants due to their size and once bitten, the pain is excruciating, lingering for hours.

    Thinking that nothing else could go wrong that day, I ended having a catastrophic blowout in my right hand thong without having any backup. As it turned out, I wasn't able to purchase a new pair of thongs until Longreach.

    So, there you have it - one of them days

    Jeff :eek:
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2017
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  3. Old fisho

    Old fisho Well-Known Member

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    Puts mine to shame mate. That's a corker. Yes, we do know the 'inchers'. They're evil.

    We once saw Sir Les live on stage in Melbourne. What a fantastic performance. The night was one of Barry Humphry's best. He (Dame Edna) even got Boss up on stage after the finale which was a real achievement. She received her own large bunch of the famous Gladioli that were thrown to the crowds.
     
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  4. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    I've always regarded Barry Humphries as the most talented performer this country had ever produced, Noel - I am a huge fan and was rather surprised to find that cardboard stand up promotional thing at the local tip - absolute sacrilege that someone disposed of it that way. It stood proud in my shed for many years and I finally donated it to a neighbour before leaving Darwin.

    That would have been a real thrill for your wife - something to remember.

    Jeff :cool:
     
  5. Old fisho

    Old fisho Well-Known Member

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    Jeff: As she's a very private person, I was surprised she actually did it. She spent most of the time being rather red faced as the riotous Dame Edna questioned her about her bedroom and activities.
    Remember? She will never forget it.
    It was a Barry Humphrey concert, so we had the whole entourage that night: Barry, Sandy Stone, the Dame, and Sir Les, who had the equivalent of about three elephant penises swinging inside the leg of his pants, which he continually scratched, and swung a bit more. What a disgusting character to portray, the while, turning it into serious and hilarious comedy (if there's such a thing).
    I recently picked up a book on the life and death of Sandy Stone (by Barry) which I've not started on yet.
     
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  6. AWL

    AWL Well-Known Member

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    Can't say i can come close to you boy's,but one of my best was getting up at 4am & driving the 160 odd k's over to lake william hovell to be on the water for sun up.Cleaned up a roo on the way over in the work ute,which meant stopping and doing some panel beating to a guard & bonnet to keep us going.Got to the lake about an hour later than intended,back the boat down the ramp,jump in to start it to drive it off the trailer,and no fuel tank.Left it at home on the back verandah.Spent half the monday at work doing paperwork for the roo incident.
     
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  7. Madfisher

    Madfisher Active Member

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    Well boys I have put telling this story off as it brings back rather painfull memories. Michael and I decided on a trip up into the remote part of the lower Turon below Hillend. To anyone who has driven down Hawkins hill will testify this is very rugged country, and a very deep ,but beautiful gorge.
    We where going to flyfish for carp, the Turon is all ways very clear despite carp as its a freestone stream with very little mud and offers superb sight fishing, along with thew odd nativie.
    We had walked about 2ks when I was just about to put my foot on a coiled up RBB fast asleep, my foot was poised over the top of him when I seen him, I was to busy scanning for fish.
    WE had walked up around 6ks and turned around, now you have two choices walk over the sand and gravel or walk up on the hard bank which are now covered in serrated tussock. I was getting a bit tired so choose the hard bank,but as I was walking my toe caught and unseen stick, and I face planted badly, my glasses cut my face quite badly,but what was far worst in a effort to save my self I stretched my hand out to save my self and put it squarely on a Tiger pear cactus. Michael rushed over worried about the blood gushing from my face, but that I could not care less about, because stuck to my right hand was a whole cactus pod, with about 30 1 inch spikes stuck in my hand. Now these spikes have barbs on the end, so you can not pull them out. Just imagine getting stuck with 30 needles at one time
    All my fingers where stuck together, Michael got a stick and prised the cactus pod off, a few came out ,but most where well and truly stuck in. Damm this is my casting hand as well .
    We set of again downstream and came to a section where we normally fish up a very difficult to walk,but very productive stretch, then walk dowmn the easy side going back. But Michael wanted to have another go at a large fish he had seen.
    He is walking about 10 feet in front of me when he must have stirred up a whole heap of hornets, only they turned and begin to attack me, seemed like doz, I was getting hit left right and centre. I started to run, but Michael yelled not to run towards him, so took the only other option, threw the camera on the bank and jumped in the river and submerged myself, although below water I could still see the baxxxstds above me,but it did the trick.
    At least the hornets strings took my mind off the cactus spines in my hand, not one of my better days.
    Cheers Pete
     
  8. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    If that had happened to me, Pete, I would never have gone back near the place.

    Is Hawkins Hill that big drop-off at the western end of Hillend where most of the mining activity took place?

    How did you manage to remove all the cactus spikes?

    I've had a similar run-in with a nest full of extremely angry wasps that you had with the hornets and I also took to the water to escape the buggers, but not before a few had stung me on the back of the neck - excruciating pain and freezing water did not make for an enjoyable day.

    Jeff :cool:
     
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  9. Madfisher

    Madfisher Active Member

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    It is the Northern end of the bridle track mate, from Hill end it heads in a southerly direction 8 ks all downhill a lot of it single lane, no fences and huge drops on the side. Mate they where most likely Mud wasps,not hornets, nasty cranky buggars what ever.
    We gradually got some cactus spikes out,but quite a few we had to let fester up, then work them out.
    Wasps or what ever seem to have a thing for me, lucky the RBBs mostly ignore me lol.
    Cheers Pete
     
  10. creekboy

    creekboy Well-Known Member

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    All in the name of relaxing days of fishing. Cheers, creekboy.
     
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  11. Madfisher

    Madfisher Active Member

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    LOL, mate I am getting to and age where I should think about a relaxing way of fishing, I have all ways looked for the most exciting forms of fishing, and hiking into remote gorges to find it.
    Cheers Pete
     
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  12. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    You've got to do it while you can, Pete. I took up kayak fishing a few years back and it opened up a whole new way of fishing for me, but the time will come when it's just too much hard work loading and unloading the yak, so I will enter the next phase - whatever that will. Most likely nothing more than a comfortable chair set up next to a quiet river somewhere, a couple of rods and some good company.

    Jeff :cool:
     
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